children, but they also face social exclusion, stigmatization and bullying, because early adolescence is also a time of greater prejudice and homophobic behavior. Coming out is associated with improved mental health for L.G.B.T.Q. Increasing societal acceptance has led to more children coming out at younger ages, but developmentally, young adolescence is a unique time for peer influence. And there is the constant, casual assumption that Oliver has a girlfriend. There are the sophomoric jokes about gay sex by comedians (Jimmy Kimmel, who recently called Sean Hannity “a bottom” on Twitter, and Chelsea Handler, who said the same of Jeff Sessions Mr.
I’m ashamed that it took him opening my eyes to notice how often people fling insults, and to understand how much they hurt.
Kids and gay pride quotes movie#
I’ve been so steeped in the bracing emotions of a young teenager on the verge of manhood that I feel as if I am in a version of the movie “Freaky Friday.” I see the pain inflicted by taunts and prejudice as if I were him. It’s never “just a joke” to a gay teenager in middle school. I also hear about gay slurs and jokes on his school grounds and elsewhere (“that’s so gay” as a put-down is a common one), primarily from boys and usually when they are in groups of two or more.
I hear about kids who still can’t come out. But it has not all been a woke sitcom in the year since he asked his question. Teachers, parents and peers spoke of his bravery. Clinton’s answer, other than that it was brief). He was, too, and consequently has no memory of the hour or so that followed (including Ms. Later, when he told me about the experience, I was simultaneously bursting with pride and shaking with fear. The odds he would be picked seemed small.Īnd that’s how Oliver, age 13, stood up in front of his whole middle school and said, “I’m gay.” He also said that he worried about the impact President Trump’s policies would have on kids like him, and what should he do? I reassured myself that even if he did write a question about being gay, he was already out to all of his friends, and only 20 children in a middle school of hundreds would get a chance to actually ask their question. Like most parent-child homework interactions, each suggestion was met with a sour expression, and that was that. Clinton to work for her mother, or who cleaned Socks’s litter box at the White House. I also suggested he ask about what it was like for Ms. So when he told me Chelsea Clinton was coming to speak at his school in early 2017 and his homework assignment was to write a question he would ask her if given the chance, I suggested he talk about his concerns with the Trump administration - including the fact that many cabinet positions had, by that point, gone to people with a history of opposing L.G.B.T.Q. The power of representation is something to behold.
Seeing versions of himself on screen - as in the show “Glee” and, more recently, the movie “ Love, Simon” - has done more to strengthen his sense of self than any conversation with me could have. Oliver and I speak a lot about coming out and what it means for him to be gay, thanks in large part to everyone who has come out before him. But even if we didn’t, there would be no point in trying to keep Oliver quiet. Naïvely, I didn’t worry much about the impact of his coming out because we live in the San Francisco Bay Area. (For any reader wondering, the Q can stand for either “queer” or “questioning.”) He is so proud of being gay that I struggle to think of a personal trait that makes me similarly proud. I also reminded myself that this wasn’t about me. And how no one knows if her heterosexual child will grow up to want children or struggle one day with infertility. Later I had a fleeting thought about not having grandchildren, and then reminded myself that there was always adoption or assisted reproduction technologies. It is truly a gift.įinding out that Oliver is gay was no different than finding out my other son is obsessed with “The Lord of the Rings.” To me it was both big and no big deal. Learning something new about your child means there is something else to love.
How did I feel when he came out? It was a bit like finding there was an unopened birthday gift that had been hidden under a couch for years.